blog 27 - luahan perut?


disaat pukul 1.50 ni, aku masih blum mkn. uhuh. sape suruh xmkn? ade org suruh? xdekan...

uhuh. xdela.. busan gak makan sengsorang. to be exact, x kisah pon makan sorg2, aku sgt ok utk keadaan itu. insyaAllah. tp harini, rasa mcm nk makan ramai2. nk pao org punye lauk kah?

iee, nk tulis pon xkuar idea. rasenye mcm akan mengalah jap gi....

erk, ade org bg salam. depa dh blk lab!! ok blh makan skrg!

..bliss-ailye shared her feelings at 1350..

erk, baru 26 blog kah? uh, blog ini baru berusia 2 bln 5 hari. so nisbahnya, lebih kurang 2 post setiap 5 hari. ok la tu. tidak terlalu sunyi. tidak pulak terlalu kuat membebel. nanti asyik disergah boo, membebel ajeee bliss-ailye ini! tp bebel pon, sayang tetap sayang.. weehee! (dancing mode).

2 minggu kebelakangan ni, kerja opis amat kurang skali. rasa mcm x berkat jerr dpt gaji (wajarkah berasa begitu?) serius! kerja berjadual, ginilah keadaannya. dah la aku ni, konsep office hour tu amat menebal dlm hidup aku. meaning, masuk kol 8, blk kol 5, that's it. itu sahaja waktu yg diperuntukkan utk bekerja, melainkan, aku ada kerja yg mmg perlu disiapkan, atau urgent thing (yg pastinya xmgkn dan x wajar berlaku setiap hari - pendapat peribadi). kalu x, aku akan cuba (masih mencuba) utk pastikan semua keja yg ptt siap hari itu akan siap pada waktu itu. dan alhamdulillah, so far semua berjalan dgn baik skrg (semoga Allah meletakkan aku dlm keadaan ini selalu). anyway, utk aku, kerja adalah fardhu kifayah. kena buat dgn ikhlas. tp kt kena pandai membahagikan masa, supaya waktu kt bukan habis utk kerja sahaja, dan kt akan tertinggal byk menda2 lain.

honestly, aku tak paham org yg workaholic. keja keja keja keja. uii, x phm. utk aku, kt ptt berlaku adil. adil pada diri sendiri, adil pada keluarga, dan plg penting, adil pada Pencipta kita. kesemuanya perlu ada masa yg diperuntukkan dgn baik. aku pon blum la pandai sgt bahagikan masa, malah sedang cuba utk menyeimbangkan sebaik mgkn, supaya semua tanggungjawab tertunai dgn baik, dan gaji yg aku dpt setiap bln juga adalah halal secara keseluruhannya. aku slalu mahu pastikan aku ada masa utk diri sendiri. well, kalu kita sayang keluarga kita dan org lain, kt juga perlu pastikan diri kita dalam keadaan yg baik, cergas dan cerdas, insyaAllah. kita perlu ada masa utk berehat, berhibur (berhibur??), berekreasi, bersenam, dan segala ber ber yg lain (rasanya dah lamaaaa sgt x bersenam, nk mulakan aritu, mak kata nanti dulu, jgn lasak sgt, kan baru lepas keguguran, gitulah kate omak den).

n aku juga slalu mahu keadaan aku dpt tunaikan tanggungjawab aku sebagai isteri, dgn baik, dan cuba utk menjadi lebih baik, setiap hari. utk aku (maaf ye.. ini pendapat sendiri, bkn utk condemn org lain), perasaan dpt memasak utk suami, setiap hari, adalah satu perasaan yg sgt indah. serius! walaupun penat gak kengkadang tu. walaupun boo slalu kata masak simple2 jek, masak senang2 jek. tp aku rasa sgt puas ati kalu dpt masak sstu yg terbaik walaupun rasanya biasa2 aje . mgkn dah terbiasa dgn keadaan family. mak pon buat gitu utk ayah, walaupun mak bekerja sbg kakitangan kerajaan (dan masih lagi kekal sehingga skrg). aku tak tau apa yg akan berlaku nanti, tp aku harap Allah akan sentiasa mengizinkan aku utk berada dlm keadaan seperti ini. n, aku juga xmau terlepas pandang perkembangan adik beradik, kesihatan mak ayah, perkembangan anak buah. semuanya perlu ada peruntukan masa.

sejak aku budak2 lagik smpila skrg, mak ayah xpenah blk lmbt dr keja, n xpenah smpi rumah lewat dr pukul 6 (sbbnya ktorg blh duduk ramai2 smbil berehat dan layan cite cina tv3 pukul 6), kecuali ada hal yg amat mustahak. kol 6 tu kire lmbt sgt dh tu. mesti dlm hati akan bedebar2, kenapa mak ayah x smpi lagik. dan itula apa yg berlaku pada aku skrg. n itu jugakla perasaan aku kalu boo smpi umah lmbt. smbg cite mak ayah dan zaman aku kecik... so kiranye, blk lmbt tu bkn sstu yg biasa. dan aku sgt bersyukur dgn keadaan itu. disebabkan keadaan itu, bila menonton tv, bila ada drama yg menunjukkan situasi mak ayahnya blk lmbt, suami isterinya blk lmbt, smpi malam br smpi umah, aku jadi pelik, dan aku anggap cita tu menipu dan x logik. aku slalu tanya mak ayah, atau adik beradik yg lain, "logik ke cite gini? blk dr keja smpi kol 8, kol 9, kol 10 mlm.. keje ape ntah oghang ni. mana ade org keje smpi malam2 gini!". bila dah keja, "ooo, ok, ade ek rupenye org yg keja smpi mlm. erk, sungguh pelik skali...". aku x biasa dgn keadaan itu, smpila skrg. dan aku berharap aku xkan jadi seperti itu, smpi aku tua nanti. aku harap, dlm hati dan pikiran bakal anak2 aku nanti, peristiwa org blk keje lmbt adalah sstu yg xlogik utk berlaku, sama seperti yg aku pikir sejak aku kecik lagik.

sudah abis bercerita. nasib baik ada keje arini. kalu x, mesti rasa mengong lagi.

kesimpulan: jagalah masa kita sebaik mgkn. jgn disebabkan terlalu sibuk dgn kerja, membuatkan kt terlupa utk menoleh ke kanan atau kiri. sedar2, kt dh byk terlepas perkara yg lain. demi masa, sesungguhnya manusia kerugian...

..bliss-ailye shared her feelings at 1007..

4 years ago, an accident took my beloved away and very often I wonder, how does my wife, who is now in the heavenly realm, feel right now? She must be feeling extremely sad for leaving a husband who is incapable to taking care of the house and the kid. 'cos that is the exact feeling that I have, as I feel that I have failed to provide for the physical and emotional needs of my child, and failed to be the dad and mum for my child.

There was one particular day, when I had an emergency at work. Hence, I had to leave home whilst my child was still sleeping. So thinking that there was still rice leftovers, I hastily cooked an egg and left after informing my sleepy child.

With the double roles, I am often exhausted at work as well as when I am home. So after a long day, I came home, totally drained of all energy. So with just a brief hug and kiss for my child, I went straight into the room, skipping dinner. However, when I jumped into my bed with intention of just having a well-deserved sleep, all i heard and felt was broken porcelain and warm liquid! I flipped open my blanket, and there lies the source of the 'problem'... a broken bowl with instant noodles and a mess on the bedsheet and blanket!

Boy, was I mad! I was so furious that I took a clothes hanger, charged straight at my child who was happily playing with his toy, and give him a good spanking! He merely cried but not asking for mercy, except a short explanation:

"Dad, I was hungry and there wasn't anymore leftover rice. But you were not back yet, hence I wanted to cook some instant noodles. But I remembered you reminding me not to touch or use the gas stove without any adults around, hence I turned on the shower and used the hot water from the bathroom to cook the noodles. One is for you and the other is for me. However, I was afraid that the noodles will turn cold, so I hid it under the blanket to keep it warm till you return. But I forgot to remind you 'cos I was playing with my toys...I am sorry Dad..."

At that moment, tears were starting to run down my cheeks...but I didn't want my son to see his dad crying so I dashed into the bathroom and cried with the shower head on to mask my cries. After that episode, I went towards my son to give him a tight hug and applied medication on him, while coaxing him to sleep. Then, it was time to clear up the mess on the bed. When everything was done and well past midnight, I passed my son's room, and saw that he was still crying, not from the pain on his little buttock, but from looking at the photograph of his beloved mummy.

A year has passed since the episode, I have tried, in this period, to focus on giving him both the love of his dad and mum, and to attend to most of his needs. And soon, he is turning seven, and will be graduating from kindergarten. Fortunately, the incident did not leave a lasting impression on his childhood memories and he is still happily growing up.

However, not so long ago, I hit my boy again, with much regret. This time, his kindergarten teacher called, informing me of my son's absence from school. I took off early from work and went home, expecting him to explain. But he wasn't to be found, so I went around our house, calling out his name and eventually found him outside a stationery shop, happily playing computer games. I was fuming, brought him home and whack the hell out of him. He did not retaliate, except to say, 'I am sorry, Dad'. But after much probing, I realized that it was a 'Talent Show' organized by his school and the invite is for every student's mummy. And that was the reason for his absence as he has no mummy.....

Few days after the caning, my son came home to tell me, the kindergarten has recently taught him how to read and write. Since then, he has kept to himself and stayed in his room to practise his writing, which I am sure, would make my wife proud, if she was still around. 'cos he makes me proud too!

Time passes by very quickly, and soon another year has passed. It's winter, and its Christmas time. Everywhere the christmas spirit is in every passer-by...Christmas carols and frantic shoppers....but alas, my son got into another trouble. When I was about to knock off from the day's work, the post office called. Due to the peak season, the post master was also on an edgy mood. He called to tell me that my son has attempted to post several letters with no addressee. Although I did make a promise never to hit my son again, I couldn't help but to hit him as I feel that this child of mine is really beyond control. Once again, as before, he apologized, ' I'm sorry, Dad' and no additional reason to explain. I pushed him towards a corner, went to the post office to collect the letters with no addressee and came home, and angrily questioned my son on his prank, during this time of the year.

His answer, amidst his sobbing, was : The letters were for Mummy.

My eyes grew teary, but I tried to control my emotions and continued to ask him: " But why did u post so many letters, at one time?" My son's reply was: " I have been writing to mummy for a long time, but each time I reach out for the post box, it was too high for me, hence I was not able to post the letters. But recently, when I went back to the postbox, I could reach it and I sent it all at once..."

After hearing this, I was lost. Lost at not knowing what to do, what to say....

I told my son, " Son, mummy is in the heavenly kingdom, so in future, if you have anything to tell her, just burn the letter and it will reach mummy. My son, on hearing this, was much pacified and calm, and soon after, he was sleeping soundly. On promising that I will burn the letters on his behalf, I brought the letters outside, but couldnt help opening the letter before they turn to ash.

And one of the letters broke my heart....

Dear Mummy,

I miss you so much! Today, there was a 'Talent Show' in school, and the school invited all mothers for the show. But you are not around, so I did not want to participate as well. I did not tell Dad about it as I was afraid that Dad would start to cry and miss you all over again. Dad went around looking for me, but in order to hide my sadness, I sat in front of the computer and started playing games at one of the shops. Dad was furious, and he couldnt help it but scolded and hit me, but I did not tell him the real reason. Mummy, everyday I see Dad missing you and whenever he think of you, he is so sad and often hide and cry in his room. I think we both miss you very very much. Too much for our own good I think. But Mummy, I am starting to forget your face. Can you please appear in my dreams so that I can see your face and remember you? I heard that if you fall asleep with the photograph of the person whom you miss, you will see the person in your dreams. But mummy, why havent you appear?

After reading the letter, I cant stop sobbing. 'cos I can never replace the irreplaceable gap left behind by my wife....

For the females with children:

Don't do so much overtime. If you cannot finish the work, it must be some kind of problems within the company, and it is not your sole problem. Feedback to your boss. Endless overtime may not necessary be the answer to the problem. Take care of your health so that you can treasure and take care of your little precious.

For the married men:

Drink less, smoke less, cos nothing can replace your good health, not even business nor clients. Try thinking this way, are you able to work till your clients are totally dependent on you? or your boss is totally dependent on you? In this society, no one is indispensable. Take care of your health, so that you can take care of your little precious and your loved ones.

For those singles out there:

Beauty lies in loving yourself first. With confidence and loving yourself, you will see the beauty in other things around you. You will be able to work better and happier. Don't let your health be affected by your work or your boss, so nothing matters more than your well being.

..bliss-ailye shared her feelings at 1511..

untuk hari kedua, temuduga yang dijalankan melibatkan 4 bidang. tp, dr kelompok aku smlm, cuma 4 org dr bidang C sahaja yang diizinkan Allah utk melalui temuduga ke2 ni. total no org yg diintebiu adalah 10 org juga, melibatkan kami 4 org dr bidang C, 2 org dari bidang D, 2 org dari bidang E, seorg dari bidang F dan seorg lagi dari bidang G. maksudnya ada 5 bidang la yg terlibat. setiap kami dipanggil secara berkumpulan, kecuali utk calon intebiu bidang E. walaupun depa berdua, tp dipanggil berasingan.

utk bidang C, kami dipanggil serentak utk berhadapan dgn 3 org penemuduga yg berlainan, 2 org lelaki (slh seorgnya adalah dekan fakulti tersebut), dan seorg wanita. masing2 bergelar prof. intebiu pon bermula dengan penemuduga go through detail kami semua. seterusnya, soalan pon bermula:

1- what is special about you and why do u choose to work in this special place?
-erk, byknye spesel2..

2- tell us about your research during ur master's degree.
- ni pon tergagap, sbb dh setahun lebih meninggalkannya. jenuh gak la nk mengingat kerja2 yg penah aku buat.

3- what can you do to help and enhance knowledge among young generation?
- erk.. motivasi, jadi garang, spoon-feed.. itu antara isu yg kami berempat keluarkan.

4- last but not least, what do u understand about 1 Malaysia?

kesimpulannya, intebiu kedua ni, soalan2 nya lebih menuntut jawapan dalam bentuk opinion atau jawapan yg tidak dirancang.

selain dari soklan gini, antara soklan lain yg ditanya, siapa pemenang nobel laurate terbaru, apakah ucapan terbaru timb perdana menteri kita, dan byk lagi. so, mesti kene byk membaca dan byk tahu ttg perkembangan semasa.

ke2-2 pengalaman ni amat menarik. semoga pengalaman ni memberikan kesinambungan yang lebih menarik nanti, insyaAllah.

..bliss-ailye shared her feelings at 1350..

assalamualaikum, selamat tgh hari semua..!

hari ini adalah hari utk berkongsi pengalaman diinterview semalam dan kelmarin utk jawatan pensyarah. tq to mdm IMMY kerana berkongsi tips pengalaman lepas beliau. Mdm IMMY dah pon mula menjalankan tugas sbg lecturer di institusi yang sama.

intebiu 1:
intebiu ni dijalankan pada hari selasa lps, utk 3 bidang. eceli fakulti tu jalankan intebiu utk byk bidang, cumanye 3 bidang ni dijalankan oleh panel yang sama. ada 13 candidates, tp cuma 10 saja yang hadirkan diri. 3 dr bidang A, 2 dari bidang B, dan 7 dari bidang C (i was in this group). panelnya 3 org. aku di giliran ke 5. masuk je... aku mula ditanya...

1- ok bliss-ailye, can you tell us a little bit about your self.
aku pon start la becakap, btau a) nama, b) asal mana, c) anak keberapa, d) da kawen ke blom, e) qualification ape, f) skrg keje mane, g) pengalaman kerja, f) aim future. ni seme pon aku tgk contoh dlm intenet. tips dlm intenet kata, kalu nk jawab soklan gini, cite ttg apa yg telah berlaku, apa yg sedang berlaku, dan apa yg kt harap utk berlaku. so gabung2 skit, jadikla skrip gini...

2- why r u applying for this position and place?
aku pon btau la sebabnya.. aku rasa semua org mesti target akan kuar soklan gini, dan akan karang jawapan yang lebih kurang sama dan biasa didengari. napa aku kata gitu? sbb aku dh penah bepengalaman di intebiu utk jawatan yang sama di tempat yang berbeza, dan penemuduga pon kata, "jawapan ni semua org bagi. sama jeee.. so cuba bagi jawapan lain sikit, utk bezakan kamu dan org lain". hmmm, bagus pengalaman tu. so, aku plan utk tidak merangka apa yg aku nak jawab.. just kuar gitu je jawapannya. biar jawapan yg ada tu kuar ikhlas dari hati, insyaAllah.

3- could you please elaborate about your master's research, n your current doing.
aku pon cite laa.. bla bla bla. result mane, ape seme.

4- you didnt give us your master's thesis.
aku berkata, "im sorry, for certain reason, my thesis is not available right now, bla bla bla. panel pon bertanya kenapa x available apa masalahnya semua... aku terangkan bla bla bla... tp pengajaran yang nak dibawa disini ialah, "BRING YOUR THESIS, WHEN YOU APPLY FOR A LECTURER POST!" penemuduga aku berkata, it has to be written sumwhere, to ask the candidate to bring their thesis. so this is my effort to share. bawaklah tesis anda kemana jua anda pergi. terima kasih.

5- do you have any experience working as a lecturer?
aku pon kata la, xde, sbb lps abis blaja terus keja, so xde peluang nk timba pengalaman. cuma ada pengalaman sikit mengaja budak sekolah. wpon range usia x sama, tp insyaAllah approach tu lebih kurang.

6- did you bring any teaching material?
aku pon kata yes, dan mula mencari power point yang aku dh buat. pengalaman intebiu satu masa dulu, aku buat berbelas slaid, tp kali ni aku buat 5 slide saje, n aku smpt bace 4 je. mgkn penemuduga cuma nak tgk eye contact, keyakinan and suara kot.... xtaula....

7- which one do you like the most, your current job, or doing lecture?
aku kata la aku minat 2 2, tp, sebagai manusia biasa, kt perlu mencari sstu yang lebih baik dalam hidup kt. kt perlu begerak kehadapan, kt perlu majukan diri, kt perlu cuba sstu yg baru. kan kan?

8- depa bagi senario, let say you become a lecturer to a group of student, at the end of the semester, during their final test, 60% of them failed. what will you do?
basically, aku kata, carik punca, n buat penyelesaian.

9- senario lagi, let say you have about 14 weeks for lecture, sylibus is about 12, so you cant finish all the sylibus. what will you choose?
a)try to finish the sylibus, but the students might feel lost; b) focus to the student's understanding, but you may fail to finish all the sylibus.
jawabku... gini gini gini..

10- last but not least, Q yg amat technical, bile buat diagram, arrow ptt tunjuk ke diagram atau ke label?
erk, im totally lost, aku sgt x ingat yek. even buku yang aku rujuk pon, x letak arrow, tp cuma letak garis yang hubungkan diagram dan label. uhuhu.

ok, that's all utk temuduga pertama. so scary. tp takpe.. aku dh usaha, aku dh pulun, aku dh jadi sesincere yang mgkn. alhamdulillah, Allah bg rezeki utk 2nd intebiu... t.kasih jugak pada penemuduga. so, utk 2nd intebiu ape soklan2 nya pulak ye? to be continued, kerana skrg aku mau pegi solat.

..bliss-ailye shared her feelings at 1330..

blog 22 - one leg

alhamdulillah, i received a letter entitled, "surat pelawaan bersyarat jawatan pensyarah di....".

ia ditulis sebagai bersyarat kerana:
~hasil temuduga td perlu dipersetujui dan disahkan oleh jawatankuasa hal ehwal kakitangan.
~surat tawaran beserta terma2 perkhidmatan perlu disediakan.

bila dah cukup kedua syarat tu, barula kompem dpt tawaran jawatan ni. so, one leg dh dpt. menurut pegawai di sana, JKK akan bermesyuarat bln 11 nanti.. semoga Allah permudahkan segala urusan ni, dan semoga rezeki terbaik diperolehi. amin.

..bliss-ailye shared her feelings at 1538..

blog 21 - rezekiNya.

alhamdulillah, interview pertama berjaya dilepasi. esok adalah interview kedua.

halangan: peruntukan cuti dah xde. nk btau bos, mcm xnk je. anyway, mmg xberniat nk btau. lgpon cuma intebiu saja. tp macam mana ye... hmm, mgkn tepaksa juga kol bos nanti.

xpela, pasti ada cara. alhamdulillah...

..bliss-ailye shared her feelings at 1601 ..


latarnya banyak: seorang isteri ~ seorang anak perempuan ~ seorang adik ~ seorang kakak ~ menantu pertama ~ seorang sahabat.

sifatnya juga banyak: cerewet ~ banyak cakap (tapi bukan pada semua orang) ~ garang (boo, 2009) ~ bercita-cita sederhana (kerana tidak pernah mengimpikan untuk menjadi perdana menteri, mahupun timbalan naib canselor) ~ penakut ~ bersemangat tinggi juga ~ cembeng ~ keras hati (mengapa lebih banyak yang mazmumah dari yang mahmudah??)

kegemarannya ada tiga: makan ~ tido ~ shopping! aktiviti yang tidak berapa sihat memang menarik bukan??

misinya ada tiga: dia mahu menjadi seorang mama ~ dia mahu ke mekah pada usia 40 tahun ~ dia mahu memanjat piramid giza.

visinya ada dua: dia mahu menambah dan berkongsi sebanyak mungkin ilmu didada, untuk bekalan nanti ~ yang plg penting, dia mahu masuk syurga, so dgn itu, dia perlu jadi isteri & anak & menantu & sibling & sahabat yang baik (semoga Allah memakbulkannya).

itulah dia..

~The counting~

Daisypath Anniversary tickers Daisypath Anniversary tickers Daisypath Anniversary tickers

~Important dates~

0301 - Zmr
0416 - Ay. Y
0430 - Zkr
0526 - Ayh
0613 - Wnt
0619 - Abh
0729 - Mak Paka
0819 - Mak Kl
0905 - A.Skr
0910 - Kyg
0920 - Af.Y
1101 - Nsyt
1106 - Akml
1108 - Sypk
1120 - Adm.Y
1211 - me
1224 - Boo

~Tick tock~


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